Moonjunkie

When we think we can not find an angel, we have neglected to look at ourselves.

Yesteray, I realized that there are angels. The angels I’ve imagined and inspired my choreographies in contemporary dancing last year were actually true. I do not know where they came from. I do not know how they arrived and what they looked like except for the popular image they have on television. What I know is that they were angels that carry blessing like rain only when I have decided to forget about them.

Angels are actually creatures who love to hide in our hearts. That is why they can not be seen. If we hide ourselves from ourselves and only show up when we decide not to look at ourselves, our blessing and our hopes, then we are angels as well.

This I say after I heard the news yesterday of my twin getting the ultimate price for Best Research at the Red Point Thesis Competition just right after I received a tenure for my job. It was something not many people can experience. At least in a not very luck friendly life I have. And I thought I would never come back from the unfortunate year I had last year. To recall, I suffered a serious leg injury after having seizure while riding a motorcycle. My twin and I struggled to surpass that big test in our lives. And we did. Just as we did with the tests we had before we received the good news. We were trying to stand amidst unemployment, unsecure jobs, academic fall and family financial security.

And we have always been struggling to have a steady life. Ever since we were young, we were moving like pebbles on a rocking chair. But we never gave up. We were too lucky to have ourselves and of course, family bad luck taught us to survive in very difficult trials. We beg, we asked, we even swallowed our pride just to pass the test that we had in life. Although, we never swallowed our pride enough to leave us empty of our dignity. We were so full of dignity despite our bad luck. That is what our parents taught us. That is also the value that our elder brother and sister taught us.

Earlier this year, my other sister, too, thought that she had the most unfortunate year of her life. Work problems and a possibility of not getting in at any school for her Ford Scholarship. This was mostly because of antagonist characters at the university she used to work in and also antagonist circumstances almost leading to the loss of all the documents she passed to Ford. But eventually, I told her that “everything would be fine”, verbatim as, “Ok lang lagi na” and took off my sincere remark from my motto “If we don’t get it, pray that we accept that we don’t. If we do, pray that we shall become contented.” And just as my sisters and I had forgotten and set aside the worries in our heads to continue with our lives, two hours later, Ford called my sister. And it was a good news. She got in. Adding to the blessing we had since last year when my brother got a work in Oman.

Dilang anghel = “If we don’t get it, pray that we accept that we don’t. If we do, pray that we shall become contented. But we will get it”

I am an angel to others. But angels can not be angels to themselves. They too need angels. And just I was able to “dilang anghel” for my family, they have also suddenly transformed into angels for me. I knew it! They were! Though angels are not always likeable at all times, they were still angels. Angels who transformed from men just as I decided not to believe that there were angels. These blessing also transform as angels for our parents and they were validated by our fathers teary eyes. Someone who almost forgot what an angel looked like after 1996.

I thought big angels don’t cry but they do while they hide inside their wings. When they hide, angels are happy. Because they know that people are looking for them. Even if they are not seen, they are trusted. They transform into words, deeds and into blessings.